Need-oriented education - what is behind it

Need-based parenting for children is becoming increasingly popular. Where does this method come from and what is it all about? What are children's basic needs and why do they often want something different? Are you allowed to say "no" to your child or do you have to fulfill all their wishes? In this article, we will bring the truth to light! In this article, we will tell you what your child's basic needs are, what need-based parenting is really about and what your needs have to do with it! 

Where does the needs-oriented approach come from?  

Need-oriented or attachment-oriented parenting comes from so-called attachment parenting . The model was created by the American pediatrician William Sears and his wife Martha Sears. The two were convinced that a strong bond in the first years of life between children and their parents promotes emotional stability for their entire lives. The model is based on a lot of closeness and affection, the signaling effect of babies crying and the respect of the family needs and boundaries of all those involved. 

Need-oriented education – how does it work?

Simply put, needs-based parenting is about ensuring that children's basic needs are met. These include security, closeness and affection, food and sufficient rest periods. All of these things are important for healthy development, both mentally and physically.

In order to ensure that these needs are met, it is important to understand a child's signals and act accordingly. This is of course a little more difficult with babies, because they only know one way of communicating: crying. But over time, this becomes a little easier, because you get to know your baby better and know what it needs.

The hurdles of needs-oriented education

Basically, it sounds quite logical and simple. As long as the children's needs are respected, they'll be fine. But our children are getting older and the headwind is getting stronger. Emotions have to be learned. For a small child, the world might fall apart because it's not allowed to play with a knife. But the need for safety speaks clearly against it! Going outside without a jacket? That's not possible in winter. One outburst of anger follows the next. Of course, it's difficult to stay calm.

By remaining as calm as possible and signaling to the child that they are there and not allowing themselves to be carried away by anger, the child calms down more quickly and learns to deal with strong emotions. These are important foundations for the rest of their lives.

The limits of parents

The needs of parents are often forgotten. With children, it is difficult to respond to them anyway, but it is all the more important to maintain your boundaries. If they are repeatedly crossed, it is difficult to react calmly and calmly to difficult situations in everyday life. The result: after the fourth outburst of anger, the strong feelings spill over and you lose your composure.

For this reason, time out for mom and dad is just as important as eating and sleeping enough. Of course, these points are not so easy to implement, especially with a baby! Perhaps you have the opportunity to ask someone for help so that you can take a little time for yourself?

I yelled at my child. What now?

What if you did get loud once? Don't worry! You haven't damaged your child for the rest of their life and it might happen again in the future. Don't forget: you're only human!

What is the best way to deal with the situation? Explain to your child what happened and why mom or dad was so angry. Learn from this situation and try to pay more attention to your needs next time! Even if your child is still very small, it is advisable to talk about the situation. Little ones often understand more than we think.

Our tips for needs-oriented parenting

Would you like to integrate the needs-oriented approach into your everyday life? Then we have a few tips for you:

Needs usually take precedence over desires

It's not about fulfilling all of the children's wishes, but rather supporting them, even when they get frustrated. A child's needs often differ from your wishes. So a "no" is also part of everyday life, which is geared towards needs!

We'll tell you how to communicate a "no" correctly in our TikTok video: How do I communicate a "no" correctly?

Calm and relaxed through difficult situations

Try to stay as calm as possible and signal to your child: “I am here for you!” Also pay attention to your own limits and create routines that work well for all of you.

As much closeness and attention as desired

Attachment parenting is all about closeness. This includes breastfeeding. However, many women cannot or do not want to breastfeed and that is completely fine. This does not mean that closeness is lost and you can of course still build a close bond with each other!

In addition, every person and every child is unique. Sometimes more closeness is needed than on other days. Especially with small children, you can clearly tell when they need attention or would rather be left alone. That's okay and that's how it should be! Closeness should not be forced.

Don’t overthink the situations

Don't be too hard on yourself, give in when you want to and don't think too much! We constantly think about whether something was right or wrong. But most of the time the answer isn't that simple.

It is completely normal that we as parents have to learn how to deal with new situations. Just like our children, we experience new situations and emotions. So follow your intuition and trust your gut feeling.

We also give you more tips and tricks for needs-oriented parenting on our TikTok channel. Check it out: kindgesund on TikTok.

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